Fast Food Warrior: Outback Steakhouse

Nature of the Offense

Well, it seems our frequent contributor The Fast Food Warrior is back on the case! This time, he's managed to experience the bad side of Outback Steakhouse, which the New York Times Food Review once referred to as "the most authentic Australian cuisine you can get without going to Hooters." (editor's note: citation needed). As you will see below, the Miami Outback did not see fit to show a critical March Madness game on any of their many televisions, probably anticipating the enormous dump "the U" would take in its matchup against Marquette just a few weeks later. What ensued was a classic example of the indifference to customer service we here at Letters have come to know so well.

The Letter

Dear Outback,

This past Friday, I had the distinct displeasure of dining at your Flagler location in Miami, FL with several colleagues. We chose your restaurant and decided to dine in the bar area with the intent of being able to watch some of the Big East tournament. I should note that this year's Big East tournament will be the last one in its current format, due to the breakup of the league, and this would be the last chance to see my beloved Syracuse Orange meet the hated, despicable Georgetown Hoyas. This is one of college basketball's greatest rivalries, and it ended in spectacular fashion on Friday night with an overtime victory for Syracuse.

But I didn't get to watch it. Of the four TVs in the bar, three were tuned to a REGULAR SEASON Miami Heat game, and the other to the World Baseball Classic, which is a complete joke. I asked for the Syracuse-Georgetown game to be put on one screen, and your staff not only had difficulty finding ESPN in the channel lineup, but granted me about 90 seconds viewing time before turning back to the Heat game once Syracuse-Georgetown went into overtime. That's right, the game I was watching went into overtime, and they turned it OFF! It's not like I was freeloading - I was buying dinner and $9 drinks, so a little hospitality is to be expected. Instead, I have never felt less welcome in a fake Australian-themed establishment.

While I never was an enthusiastic fan of your chain of restaurants, until approximately 40 hours ago, it remained an acceptable option when traveling for a reliable source of gut-busting calories and a low likelihood of food poisoning. It's probably unfair to put your entire chain on my RNG list (Restauranta Non-Grata), I couldn't give two bollocks for fairness after the way I was treated like Aboriginal rubbish two days ago. There were two other screens showing the Heat game - was it really necessary to kill my POST-SEASON OVERTIME HISTORIC END OF A RIVALRY MATCHUP and put the Heat back on a third TV? They screwed up my food order too, by the way.

I'm another dissatisfied customer, and I approve this complaint.

The Response

The Fast Food Warrior seems to be better at getting free loot for his troubles than I am. On the other hand, he's just as good at having these companies fail to get his name right. Not long after sending the above letter, FFW received the following response from Outback:

So the letter was stuffed with some vouchers for free food and drink, but what's so hilarious about all of it is how far out of their way Outback went to make sure FFW knew how little they really welcomed his intrusion. Let's look at the enclosed goodies, complete with comments from our site's Australian correspondent, Filthy the Kangaroo:

First, a free(?) Bloomin' Onion! Because who doesn't love congestive heart failure on the house?

And let's not forget, a $20 gift ca... er, well, "shut up and leave us alone" card?

What a mess. On to the breakdown.

The Verdict

Severity of the Offense: 8/10

The issue with the TV probably merits a 6 on its own. But to get the food order wrong too? I guess FFW just had to enjoy the authentic Australian atmosphere.

Corporate Care Level: 4/10

I'm making a distinction here between "care" and "the manager's training manual says to stuff some coupons in an envelope."

Adequacy of Response: 8/10

This grade comes from FFW, not me. I guess he likes getting free food enough to forgive some pretty serious grievances.

Overall: 8/10

There are two things working in Outback's favor here. First, they responded promptly with a (form) letter and goodies. Second, the sheer entertainment value of the non-gift card just makes this one of the more fun letters we've done here. Good stuff all around. But seriously, don't eat at Outback.