Atlanta Airport

Nature Of The Offense

Anyone who can still afford to fly now that the United States' credit card bill looks worse than a Dallas soccer mom's knows what a miserable dump the ATL airport is. Of course, the obviousness of a business's crappiness has never stopped me from blasting them on this site, so here we go!

The Letter

Dear Atlanta,

Sherman needs to burn your shit down all over again. I've had to deal with your airport a lot recently, but my last trip through that dump finally set me over the edge. I am now convinced beyond any shadow of a doubt that your airport is the worst on this planet (or maybe any planet for that matter). It is my hope that the following account of my last trip there will convince you of the same.

First of all, why is it that when I make a connection through Atlanta I ALWAYS have to cross the entire airport to make my flight, even when I'm staying on the same airline? Adding to the problem is the idiotic layout of the terminals. Have you looked at a terminal map of that place? It looks like some kid with Down's Syndrome drew a Christmas tree.



Yep. Like that.


Also, having those trains to take me from terminal to terminal really doesn't save me any time when accessing them means climbing approximately eighteen stories on an escalator that moves at the pace of a Young Life girl on prom night.

What really shocked me about this last trip in particular was how you prioritized your customer service. As I was hiking towards Savannah to make my connection, I passed a group of 6-8 senior citizens. One of your golf carts passed them, too. Well, it didn't so much pass them as much as it did run them over while going full speed and furiously slamming its horn. Who were the passengers, you might ask? Foreign dignitaries? A heart attack victim? Nope, just two mid-thirties rednecks who were simply too obese to walk to wherever they were going. The driver plowed through old people and children for these lardasses like the last-ever bucket of KFC was about to come off the line. Nice touch there, really.





All of this effort, just to reach my gate. Which, by the way, wasn't so much an airport gate as it was a cramped, dusty hallway filled with more sad, desperate people than a refugee camp. Even Dallas, which goes by the name of "Big D" after something someone did on the toilet, handles airport gates better than this. They have comfortable seats, TVs, and plenty of nearby food. What do you have? Windowless walls, plastic benches, and staff who are constantly getting on the intercom to "ax" us to move somewhere. I've been to Greyhound stations more hospitable.

Do I think you're likely to fix any of this? Probably not, no. I just wanted you to know why I'm connecting through Detroit the next time I fly from Texas to North Carolina.

The Response

None whatsoever. I sent that letter to several departments at ATL, and as far as I can tell, it wasn't even read. I'm not entirely convinced they have the capability. Let's do a verdict, for my own personal gratification.

The Verdict


Severity of the Offense: 8/10

I made my flight, so there's that. Every single other part of the experience was anger-inducing, though, so I'm not getting carried away on the praise.

Corporate Care Level: 0/10

At no point during any trip I've ever made to ATL or during the above "correspondence" with them have I ever gotten the impression that their management is anything but happy to antagonize travelers. I seriously considered giving them a negative score here.

Adequacy of Response: 0/10

Again, the only way this whole thing could be worse would be if they managed to have a pilot draw a giant middle finger in the air with a jet stream.

Overall: 0/10